Are you all so thankful for things?

Good. You should be.

Thanksgiving is a good holiday.  We spend all year taking things for granted, working hard to spend our money on stupid shit we don’t need, maxing out credit cards and then panicking when the bill comes in the mail. (You don’t do that?)

You do, stop lying.

Even if you really don’t, it’s good we spend Thanksgiving remembering to be grateful, even if it is the only day we do so.

Then Black Friday happens.

Which, isn’t that the most perfect label for the day? It’s dark and gruesome and scary. People cussing love it.  It’s ridiculous.

This year was the first year I actually ventured out on Black Friday.  Granted, it was 1pm and I went to the animal supplies stores. (Scored a dog bed at 1/2 price and a huge bag of dog food, also 1/2 price.) Totally worth it.

Even though I dealt more with traffic than actual human beings, I still found myself chuckling at their craziness.  Horns were honked, birds were flipped, fender benders just nearly missed; it was delightfully weird.

It reminded me of my first Christmas in Jackson.

My roommates were back in Michigan celebrating with their families, so my dear friend, Cody, invited me to spend Christmas at her house with another close friend of ours, her two sweet little boys, a lovely couple visiting from California, and Cody’s three enormous dogs.

This was before I had found my own sweet canine, so I was head over heels for these loveable pooches, and had bought them each a little snack for Christmas.

I walked in that morning and placed them under the tree.

Cody was hard at work cooking up the most delicious of Christmas meals (she’s from Texas…we’re talking amazing cook), and the rest of us wandered around chatting and goofing around with the little boys.

The next moment, there was the deepest snarling, growling, barking, and scuffling.  Tables were knocked over and yes, you guessed it, the two male dogs were attacking eachother, digging their teeth into one another, over the dog bones I had brought for them.

Cody jumped on top, Steve did what he could to help separate them, Amy and I threw the boys on the counter, out of the way.  Boobs fell out of robes, claws and teeth broke skin, everyone was shaken up, and the dogs had to go to the emergency vet.  Merry Christmas!

This is the memory that popped into my mind as I drove through the Black Friday madness. I was laughing inside, but to think that we follow the one day we’ve set aside to be thankful for how immensely we’ve been blessed, with a day where we trample eachother, snarl and curse at eachother, and mostly want to rip eachother to pieces.  All for gifts we’ll give to others who will most likely not be grateful for them until the following Thanksgiving…I mean, does this not seem severely effed up?

I can’t lie though, I wouldn’t find a bag of dog food that big, for that price on any other day of the year.

I also no longer put dog gifts under the tree.  Lesson learned.

So, to you avid Black Friday shoppers, is it worth it?

Not since Wednesday,

Cheers!

Bob Dylan was in Grand Rapids last night!

I was asked to give up my night off and come to work a last minute party.  I agreed, and Melissa and I waited on a lovely group of 15 people.  They enjoyed their meals (obviously) and began talking about their next stop for the evening.  You guessed it!  They were headed to the Bob Dylan concert.  In a VIP suite, of course.

I got to chatting with two gentlemen who insisted Melissa and I join. I, thinking this was only a nice gesture and an invite they had no authority to give, made jokes in return.  Surely they knew that they could not just invite random people to the VIP suite, right?

They began to take their leave, one of said gentlemen gave me his card and told me to “seriously, call him” and the bill was paid.  After they left, Melissa and I began to clean up when we noticed that by our tip they had also left two tickets…to Bob Dylan!

We almost shit our pants.

Then we agreed we absolutely had to go, and began rushing about our work.

We told our manager, who awesomely began helping us clean up to get us out of there ASAP.  News spread quickly how we received VIP tickets to the concert and everyone whined with envy.

Melissa and I quickly changed and stepped outside to snow falling softly all over Grand Rapids.  It felt like a very magical evening was about to take place.

When we arrived to the arena, our tickets were scanned and we were escorted to the suite.  When we walked in there was an uproar of, “They came!” Followed my more enormously welcoming “So glad you came!” and “You two were so fantastic tonight, we are so glad you could make it!”

Four and a half seconds later we were interrogated about what we would like to drink and thirty seconds after that we had drinks in our hands.  Even though they had just gorged upon a three course meal, there was still a decadent spread of fruit, cheese, meats, and desserts.

The concert was ridiculous, the company was hilarious, and the champagne was endless.

At the end of the evening they asked how we were planning on getting home, I told them a cab, but more than likely I would call my mom for a ride (since she’s awesome).

They laughed and said, “Absolutely not!”

Turns out they had a limo carting them around all day and after dropping them off at the hotel, yes, I received a personal limo ride to my home.

Am I still dreaming?

How jealous are you?

Best tip ever?

Such a night to remember!

….

…..

You are so ridiculous if you believed any of that hoo-ha.

All is true, up to the part where our tickets were scanned.

They were parking tickets in the disguise of a VIP concert ticket, and we were so, so punked.

So instead of all that amazing stuff, we rushed out of the building hiding our faces in disgrace and shared a bottle of wine at Melissa’s apartment, and then had a beer at Founders, wallowing in shame and self-pity.

I doubt we’ll live this down at work.

Still very upset and unaware as to why I’m sharing this story of embarassment,

Cheers

I solemnly swear I will not banter about the election.

With that being said (thought, and then written, actually), I sigh constantly with relief that it’s over.  The outcome may not have been what I was praying for, but the thing with prayers is that they are often answered differently than the way one hopes, or the overall plan is different than what one sees for themselves…or sees for their country.

I’ll also say I know personally the anxiety I put up with my own debt, and to think of what we all owe overall as a nation? Eek, start passing around the Xanax.

Sigh.

Want to hear another sad story? We lost a dear family friend suddenly, just yesterday.  He was my mother’s boss for almost 20 years and was always generous, giving, constantly putting others first, and was freaking hilarious.

Sometimes it’s a lot easier to write about death when it’s not happening right in front of you. I suppose that rules out writing for the Obituary. (scratching feverishly off list)

Sidenote: Does anyone else have a male dog that hilariously refuses to lift his leg when he pees?

To enduring only four more years,

Cheers!

Happy Halloween you spooky people!

The day where we can all act like four year olds and pretend we are someone completely different than ourselves.

That’s why some of my friends and I went as slutty waitresses this year!

we’re quite conservative

(Wait, is that the bowtie she always speaks of?) True, my quick friends, it is, and this is what I did for my Halloween.

I want to say it’s one of the first years I didn’t even think very hard of a costume idea.  I’m not mad, either.  Last Friday, when plenty of scary costume parties were taking place, I was at a wedding (kind of dressed like a leopard!). The following day I worked until midnight, and on my way home I saw so many lines outside of so many bars and I couldn’t help but think, Amen and Hallelujah that isn’t me.

I like Halloween, don’t get me wrong.  My favorite costume of all time included enormous fairy wings that I thought were hysterical as they smacked people in the face whilst I tried to walk through a packed bar.  Another golden idea was two yars ago when I dressed as KE$HA and basically just had to rat my hair to no end, not shower, sprinkle five pounds of glitter on myself, draw on my face, and carry a toothbrush and a bottle of Jack Daniels around all night.  Not all that bad.

This year was subdued, and quite frankly, I loved it.

As I walked to my car last night after a shift where absolutely nothing happened, I walked passed three girls who were in underwear and some sort of girdle to put their cans where their necks were supposed to be.

“Ow!” was my response, and they most certainly thought it was condescending.

It wasn’t meant to be, but if you’re going to have that quick of a negative reaction from what had to have been one of your first viewers of the night you’re either a.) too sensitive or b.) you know you’re not wearing enough clothes and are secretly judging yourself with every step you take.

I don’t get too worked up or feministic about the slutty outfits.  Like I said, it’s a day for everyone to venture out of their normal attire and behavior and act as someone or something completely different, and it’s publicly acceptable, so why not spend the evening as a dirty pirate hooker!?

I may have chosen to forgo this year’s Halloween festivities, but maybe I’ll pick out a random day in November to celebrate instead.  I’ll dress up as a dirty pirate hooker and everyone will be like, “What the shit is she wearing?!” and then I’ll probably get arrested, but the joke will be on all of you! Muahahaha!

….I should probably think that idea over a bit more.

I hope you all received more treats than tricks!

Cheers!