August 8, A Day that Shall Live in Infamy!

Psych, I’m bored as cuss.

So here are the three worst pick up lines from yesterday:

#1

Dude after interrupting a glorious outdoors, pre-work nap: “You being single is an injustice!” 

me: “Nope, starving children is an injustice, my being single is not that, at all.”

#2

Dude yelling after his friend who had just silently walked passed me: “Yo man, quit trying to talk to the pretty lady, you know she don’t wanna talk to you.” wink, smile.

me: (silence)

#3

Dude: “Hey girl, you got some flame?” (for his cigarette)

Me: “Nope.”

Dude: “Whaaaat? C’mon, girl, I know you smoke, you aint got no lighter?”

Me: “I am not currently smoking, so I don’t know where you got that weird assumption.  I do not smoke and have no ‘flame’ for you.”

Dude: “whaaaaaaat? You don’t smoke? aw, dang.  That’s cool, girl, I got a lighter.”

So…..pretty much we have the classiest of the classy here in Grand Rapids.

Hints to males:

-Don’t assume that I am miserable being single.  I would be insurmountably more miserable dealing with men similar to the above than by myself. 

-Do NOT, under ANY circumstance interrupt a woman taking a nap.  We do not want to talk to you and hear how you’re certain we should be in a relationship.  We don’t even want to talk to you about anything. Stay away from any napping female.

-Don’t assume we have nasty habits. That is not a compliment.

It’s hard to narrow down and give advice on the stupid shit you should not do when you wish to approach a female.  I can advise you to be polite, use grown up words, don’t prolong the conversation (we most likely don’t want to talk to you, at least not for long). Also, don’t assume you are the bomb, because that will shine right through and we will think you are a douche, immediately.

Good Luck! And may the odds be ever in your favor!

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