The Avatar takes Detroit

I’ll begin by explaining that the Avatar is my vehicle.

I drive a magnificent blue Aztec and I am often told that it resembles a space ship.

Blue and from outer space. Avatar. Get it?

The Avatar and I go on many adventures together.  She has 170,000 miles on it and has endured so many hardships, and has accomplished six trips between Michigan and Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  We’ve had a few bumps in the road, and she makes a very loud rattling noise from time to time, usually right after I’m asked what I’d like to order when I’m at a drive through.

“Welcome to Skinny’s Burgers, may I take your order?”


“I’m sorry, ma’am? What was that? I’m having trouble hearing you.”


“Miss, um, I didn’t catch that.”

I end up releasing a soft curse under my breath, leaning out the window, and shouting my order in to the speaker, or I turn her off alltogether.

This weekend, the Avatar made a small trip across the state to the beautiful town of Gotham. Excuse me, Detroit. The air conditioning began waning only just before we arrived.  Gracias Dios.

This story isn’t about the Avatar, that was just so you would be jealous that you drive such a simple car.  People don’t do a double take to make sure you are driving an actual motorized vehicle? Sad. 

We arrived just in time to don our hotel robes for a short while and enjoy a couple PBRs before scampering off to enjoy a warm and sunny evening with some Detroit Tigers baseball.

I hate baseball, but I do like going to games. Best part? $9 hot dogs. YUM.

We were lucky enough to get spots in section 9238572. Third baseline, in outer space.

It was a difficult section to find, but thankfully I had my friend, Aaron, with me to endure the crowds of sweaty moms and dads with their overly anxious kids on leashes and drunk men who once again forgot I had a face. Tada! Finally, we made it to the third level just as the sky turned from sunny to the most ominous gray and exploded like a massive water balloon.

My mom texted me and asked how it was going, I told her it was pouring and I had just entered a wet t-shirt contest. She didn’t respond.

We did eventually find our seats and the Tigers won and they did a firework show and we high-fived eachother before taking off back to the hotel.

Our hotel was also a casino, however, so the night was far from over.

The only other time I had been in a casino was when a friend of mine and I were on a roadtrip to California and were in desperate need of a coffee in the middle of Nevada. In Nevada, Starbucks is also a casino. It was also Easter Sunday. There were so many things wrong with that picture, and I realized that as I climbed back in to the car after losing ony $10 on a slot machine.

I did not gamble at this casino, surprisingly.  Instead, my dear friend Betsy and I made friends with a random couple, had a killer dirty martini (5 olives!), sang alladin to an entire bar, and rescued a man from who was getting kicked out by security.  I don’t know how or where he ended up, but I hope he was grateful for that. Topped off with a cheeseburger. Winning!

It was a great night.  It was an awful ride back.

We were all sleep deprived and very dehydrated.  It took us a good 45 minutes and a half tank of gas to figure out how to get on the highway, and that was how our ride began. Finally, we came to the conclusion that the only thing that would help us out of our funk, was a McDonalds smoothie.

McDs #1: A man was unconscious on the front lawn. Kids in a circle praying while three men were working on him while on the phone with what I’m going to assume was 911. We did not get our smooties here.

McDs #2: Smooties being advertised. No smooties being sold.

McDs #3: Glorious smoothies for all and we beat an enormous caravan of people. Smooties saved the day.

We made it safe and sound, and I have to give it to the Avatar for once again exceeding all my expectations. I hope we are together for a very long time.

Ramen Noodles, now, and movies. So many movies with the greatest of dogs.  Detroit was fun, but it’s good to be back.

Until next time, friends.